Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Passengers Rush To Arriving Train’s Doors Like Rat Babies Nursing At Mother’s Teats

The Onion

Tim Walz Calls On Fellow Democrats To Return His Tupperware

The Onion

Vice Precedent

The Onion

‘The Substance’ Snags Oscar For Best Goo

The Onion

Trump Signs Executive Order Making Official Language Of U.S. Remedial English

The Onion

Artist Profile: Tate McRae

The Onion

NOAA Cuts Leave Wind Chimes As Sole Predictor Of Approaching Hurricanes

The Onion

‘Maybe Hot Dog Will Make Wife Feel Better,’ Thinks Husband No Closer To Fixing Things

The Onion

Lockheed Martin Develops Giant Tactical Rubber Spider

The Onion

Andrew Tate Grabs Some Romanians From Airport Gift Shop

The Onion

Cardinal With 3-Foot Vertical Leap Emerges As Frontrunner In Papal Combine

The Onion

Trump Plans To Sell $5 Million Gold Card Visa To Attract Rich Foreigners

The Onion

Jeff Bezos Sends Note To Whole Foods Staff Forbidding Criticism Of Grapes

The Onion

Man Spits Out Blood While Flossing Like Battered Prizefighter In Championship Bout

The Onion

RFK Jr. Vows To Make Measles Deaths So Common They Won’t Be Upsetting Anymore

The Onion

Department Of Education Sternly Announces It Is Counting To 3

The Onion

All Of The Changes Coming To Starbucks

The Onion

Study Finds Revving Corvette Outside Her Office Best Way To Show Ex What She’s Missing

The Onion

AARP Wondering If Anyone Will Notice Kathy Bates On Cover For 9th Issue In Row

The Onion

Mitch McConnell Won’t Seek Reelection In 2026

The Onion