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Jared Leto Teases ‘Tron: Ares’ Villain Will Be Teen Girl Who Lies For Attention

The Onion

Satellite Images Reveal Drunk Father Stockpiling Fireworks

The Onion

Tinder To Require Face Verification For New Users

The Onion

FDA Recalls 3 Oranges To Prove They Can Juggle

The Onion

Dad Carrying 2-Person Inner Tube Up Waterslide Steps Like Christ Bearing Cross

The Onion

Report: Average American’s Retirement Plan Involves Richard Gere Falling For Them After Paying For Sex

The Onion

WNBA To Expand Into 3 More Cities As Caitlin Clark Cloning Experiment Nears Completion

The Onion

Cold Plunges: Myth Vs. Fact

The Onion

Windows To Phase Out ‘Blue Screen Of Death’

The Onion

Tesla Robotaxi Keeps Changing Subject To White Genocide

The Onion

‘1000-Lb Sisters’ Episode Begins With Disclaimer That Something Wrong With You For Watching

The Onion

Peter Thiel Shows Trump How To Sort Spreadsheet Of Americans By Ethnicity

The Onion

Harrison Ford Glares With Exhaustion As Disney Pitches Resurrecting Han Solo With Cybernetic Torso

The Onion

Wimbledon Player Issued Violation For Un-British Display Of Emotion

The Onion

Sweaty Corn Making Summer More Humid

The Onion

Tips For Keeping Pets Safe In Hot Weather

The Onion

Supreme Court Rules 6-3 That Everyone A Damn Critic

The Onion

North Korea Opens Beach Resort

The Onion

Yo-Yo Ma Finally Works Up Courage To Tell Parents He Quitting Cello

The Onion

Geneva Open Introduces Ice Courts

The Onion