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Trump Unable To Focus In Meeting As Pressure Of Booking Kennedy Center Summer Jazz Series Looms

The Onion

Dad Spends Daughter’s Wedding Day Thinking About History Of Oil

The Onion

Exhausted Friends Slowly Realize They Were Playing Board Game Wrong Entire 6 Hours

The Onion

Trump Boys Get Tongues Stuck To Frozen White House

The Onion

Venomous Snake Found In Bananas At New Hampshire Grocery Store

The Onion

DOGE By The Numbers

The Onion

‘How Different Could Purified And Distilled Water Really Be?’ Thinks Humidifier Owner About To Enter World Of Shit

The Onion

Scotland Frees Hundreds Of Inmates To Ease Overcrowding

The Onion

Iceberger King

The Onion

Horrified Woman Swears Off Ambien After Seeing Number Of Library Books She Reserved Last Night 

The Onion

Forgetful Man Playing Fast And Loose With Free Trials

The Onion

Heroic Dog Saves Family Of 5 From Herb-Roasted Chicken

The Onion

Trump Cutbacks Force FAA To Unplug Giant Magnet That Keeps Planes In Air

The Onion

CIA Announces It Has Obtained The Briefcase

The Onion

Numerous Teams Express Interest In Aaron Rodgers Playing Elsewhere

The Onion

Revival Of Internship Program Heralds CEO’s Daughter Coming Of Age

The Onion

Drunk Man Doesn’t Like The Way Kumon Logo Looking At Him

The Onion

It Almost Weirder That Grown Man On Roblox Isn’t Grooming Children

The Onion

Political Profile: Kristi Noem

The Onion

Study Finds Ozempic Can Reduce Alcohol Cravings

The Onion