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Trump Vows To Reopen Joann Fabrics As Prison

The Onion

Early 2000s Media Criticized For Harsh Treatment Of D.C. Sniper

The Onion

Cooper Flagg’s Agent Negotiates 10% Increase In Textbook Buyback Value At Duke Bookstore

The Onion

Australians Rescue Great White Shark Stranded In Shallow Water

The Onion

Autism: Myth Vs. Fact

The Onion

Study Finds Ozempic May Reduce Signs Of Fatty Liver Disease

The Onion

‘GTA VI’ Delayed Until Developers Get Grades Up

The Onion

Trump Revokes PBS Funding After Antique Grandfather Clock Receives Meager Appraisal

The Onion

Jordon Hudson Inducted Into NFL Hall Of Fame

The Onion

Stephen Miller Dead Behind Eyes At 39

The Onion

Man Gets Best Ideas In Splash Zone

The Onion

Chobani CEO Warns New Hire They In The Yogurt Game Now

The Onion

What To Know About ‘Sinners’

The Onion

Trump Argues Toy Shortages Easily Overcome By Making Servants Dance

The Onion

RFK Jr. Encourages Americans To Do Their Own Research About Dragons

The Onion

Runaway Kangaroo Shuts Down Alabama Highway

The Onion

Trump: Russia Must Be Allowed To Keep Fighting As Part Of Any Ceasefire Deal

The Onion

14 Years Avoiding ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’ Spoilers Undone In Single Moment Of Carelessness

The Onion

Katy Perry Teases New Single ‘Stop Making Fun Of Me’

The Onion

How Deportation Works

The Onion