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Government Shutdown Causes Flight Delays

The Onion

California To Phase Out Ultra-Processed Foods In School Lunches

The Onion

Political Profile: Russell Vought

The Onion

‘Try Not To Stare At Her Mouth,’ Says Mom In Ominous Update On Grandma’s Health

The Onion

Childhood Best Friend Would Never Make The Cut Now

The Onion

Financial Advisors Recommend Throwing Away Unopened Bills

The Onion

Impressionable Teen Falls In With Wrong Socioeconomic Class

The Onion

Ghoul Americans Celebrate Demonic Heritage Month

The Onion

Aaron Rodgers Suffers Torn Cerebellum After Attempting Telepathic Audible

The Onion

AI Deepfakes Of Dead Celebrities Spark Outrage

The Onion

ICE Raids: Myth Vs. Fact

The Onion

ICE Boasts Zero Murders Committed By 5-Year-Olds Since Child Detainments Began

The Onion

Richard Blakely

The Onion

Locust Humiliated Swarm He Organized Only Got 40 Million Attendees

The Onion

Nicole Kidman Tosses ‘The Garfield Movie’ Soundtrack Onto Burn Pile

The Onion

Central European Guy At Other End Of Bar Watching Some Sport With Mallets On Phone

The Onion

Paul McCartney Now Openly Referring To Self As ‘Last-Living Beatle’

The Onion

‘Task’ Teams Up With Wawa For New Fentanyl Brick Hoagie

The Onion

The Onion Investigates: Jeffrey Epstein

The Onion

Tyra Banks Releases Hot Ice Cream

The Onion