Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Pale Teenage Psychic Collapses With Nosebleed After Trying To Jerk Self Off With Power Of Mind

The Onion

What To Know About The Hallow Prayer App

The Onion

Snake Getting Twirled Around Like Lasso Never Gonna Live This Down

The Onion

Big Bird Seen Working At Local Starbucks After PBS Funding Cuts

The Onion

Cardinals Begin Placing Stickers On Vatican Relics They Want When Pope Francis Dies

The Onion

Furious Trump Cancels ‘Atlantic’ Subscription After 48 Years

The Onion

Food Stamps: Myth Vs. Fact

The Onion

Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone

The Onion

Study Finds Breastfed Children Far Better At Suckling Later In Life

The Onion

Gang Initiate Forced To Peacefully Deescalate Conflict To Prove He Not A Cop

The Onion

Teen Warned Not To Accept Group Chat Invites From National Security Advisors She Doesn’t Know

The Onion

Alexa Beaten

The Onion

Laid-Off 23andMe Employee Packs Up Box Full Of Bodily Fluids

The Onion

Report: Anti-Science Attitude Strongest Among Those Who Believe Turtle Has Little Apartment Inside Shell

The Onion

Funeral Priest Not Sure How Obliquely To Talk About Hot Air Balloon Accident

The Onion

23andMe Files For Bankruptcy

The Onion

Trump Officials Accidentally Text Journalist War Plans

The Onion

Death Of Chopped-Up Woman Ruled A Suicide

The Onion

‘I Messed Up At Work Again,’ Crestfallen Michael Waltz Texts Wife, National Geographic Editorial Staff

The Onion

Democrats Huddle To Decide How Best To Let Massive Republican Fuck-Up Slip Through Fingers

The Onion