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Top Songs July 2025

The Onion

Trump Sues Safeway Circular For False Ham Claims

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What to Know Before Going to Lollapalooza

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CDC Recommends Eating A Nice Crisp Shiny Apple Instead Of Having Unprotected Sex

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Pedro Pascal: Ooooh Wanna Kiss Kiss Kiss! Mwah Mwah! Smoochie Smoochie!

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Study Finds It Possible To Die From Broken Heart 

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Big Lots Closes All Stores After Therapist Helps Company Work Through Hoarding Tendencies

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Trump Examined By Doctor After Acknowledging Existence Of Suffering

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Study Finds Refreshingly Low Amount Of Shovel Violence

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‘Quishing’ QR Code Scams Dupe Millions

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Mavericks GM Trades Away All Of Team’s Basketballs

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Trump Still Polling Well With Working-Class American Pedophiles 

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Moment Of Silence Followed By Hot Dog Race

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Trump Body Double Struggling To Get Leg Edema Just Right

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Hulk Hogan’s Spasming Cadaver Body-Slams Mortician

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Trump Gives Russia 10-Day Deadline To End Ukraine

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Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom Awkwardly Pretend Not To See Each Other While Out Naked Paddleboarding

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Tips For Surviving A Rip Current

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Man Runs Fake Embassy While Posing As Ambassador

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Dunkin’ Announces They No Longer Have Heart To Charge People For Such Depressing Meals

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