Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Balloon Floats Away After Handlers Let Go To Check Their Phones

The Onion

FDA Bans Captain Morgan Rum After Having Way Too Much Of That Shit In College

The Onion

Manifest Dunce-ity

The Onion

Report: Most Americans Have Enough Saved For Absolutely Incredible Single Day Of Retirement

The Onion

Jack Smith Drops Election Interference Case Against Trump

The Onion

Barron Trump Returns Home To Find Melania Converted Room To Unending Labyrinth Of Darkness

The Onion

Fallopian Tube

The Onion

‘You’re The Bonnie To My Clyde,’ Says Biden Running Off With Pardoned Turkey

The Onion

Fact-Checking RFK Jr. On Health

The Onion

God Looks 400 Millennia Younger After Infusing Self With Son’s Blood

The Onion

Billionaire Who Bought Banana Duct-Taped To Wall For $6.2 Million Plans To Eat It

The Onion

Good Mood Wasted On Coworkers

The Onion

Matt Gaetz Withdraws As Trump’s Attorney General Pick

The Onion

Smuggler Arrested With 300 Tarantulas Strapped To Body

The Onion

Nancy Mace Introduces Bill That Would Ban Trans Colleagues From Congressional Gymnastics Team

The Onion

Political Profile: Matt Gaetz

The Onion

Trump Admits Entire Political Career Has Been WWE Storyline To Set Up Match With Cody Rhodes

The Onion

Dying Relative Sent Quick ‘How You Holding Up?’ Text

The Onion

Biden Supplies Ukraine With Anti-Personnel Landmines

The Onion

Mocktail Roofied

The Onion