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CDC Scales Back Child Vaccine Schedule

The Onion

Bananas Split

The Onion

RFK Jr. Scales Back Childhood Mortality Schedule

The Onion

Area Man Knows When He Not Welcome In Children’s Museum

The Onion

Trump Asks National Intelligence Point-Blank If God Real

The Onion

Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers

The Onion

Trump Spotted Wearing Paper Sign Reading ‘The President’

The Onion

Oil Stocks Rise After U.S. Capture Of Maduro

The Onion

Chevron CEO Sure In Good Mood This Week

The Onion

Apple Photos Reminds Man He Was Nude In Capitol Building 5 Years Ago

The Onion

Lost Jan. 6 Rioter Still Searching Capitol Building For Mike Pence

The Onion

Steph Curry Finally Finishes Eating Mouthguard

The Onion

Mark Kelly Punished With Expulsion To Outer Space

The Onion

NASA Discovers Distant Planet With Conditions That Could Sustain Rocks

The Onion

British Teen Returning From Semester In U.S. Regales Friends With Tale Of Food That Tastes Good

The Onion

Trump Claims He Will Marry Maduro’s Wife Until Suitable Replacement Found

The Onion

Local Church Opens Doors To Any Single Mothers In Need Of Judgment

The Onion

Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’

The Onion

Publishers Break Down Door As George R.R. Martin Escapes Through Bathroom Window

The Onion

Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession

The Onion