The bride and groom tied the knot this year, 2025, but you wouldn’t know it considering she walked down the aisle to a fucking Lumineers song.

The post Rosemarie Sheppard and Martin Lang appeared first on The Onion.

MONROE, MI—Citing its ongoing mission to provide customers with the pinnacle of comfort and relaxation, upholstered furniture mainstay La-Z-Boy announced Friday that its latest line of Jasper Rocking Recliners would feature fully adjustable morphine drips. “There’s no better way to relax than with our luxurious recliners and a steady stream of opioids flowing right into your […]

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Dear Drunk Guy Who Needs To Get Something Off His Chest, I’m a single mom with a 2-year-old son, and the people in the apartment above us play loud music that wakes him from his naps. They turn it down when I ask, but the volume always goes back up a few minutes later. The […]

The post Ask A Drunk Guy Who Needs To Get Something Off His Chest appeared first on The Onion.

Medical drama The Pitt, which won five Emmys and two Golden Globes in its first season, is back for season two. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the series. Q: Do I need to watch season one first? A: No, you can get the gist of it by shooting yourself in the […]

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The post Howie Mandel Ricocheted Down Hall As ‘The Jennifer Hudson Show’ Spirit Tunnel Reaches Max Velocity appeared first on The Onion.