The abrupt cancellation of government funding for programs to help food banks distribute healthy, local food is being felt across the country, with some already strapped organizations turning to their local communities for help. What do you think?

The post U.S. Food Banks Struggle Under Funding Cuts appeared first on The Onion.

SAN DIEGO—With the spellbound audience in the Marine Trash Experience amphitheater shouting and squealing with excitement, SeaWorld visitors were reportedly delighted Wednesday by a live garbage-patch feeding. “The keepers threw a bunch of plastic bags into the middle of the habitat, and all of a sudden this enormous blob of debris floated up and swallowed […]

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The post Washington Monument Collapses After Someone Pulls Loose Block appeared first on The Onion.

SPRINGFIELD, VA—In a decision meant to crack down on the allegedly dangerous substance and the “total fucking bitch” who uses it, the acting head of the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, Derek Maltz, classified red wine as a Schedule I drug Wednesday in order to spite his ex-wife. “We have been far too lenient to the […]

The post DEA Classifies Red Wine As Schedule I Drug To Spite Ex-Wife  appeared first on The Onion.

Donald Trump claimed he is not joking about the possibility of seeking a third presidential term despite it being barred by the Constitution, asserting that “there are methods” by which he can circumvent the prohibition. What do you think?

The post Trump ‘Not Joking’ About Seeking Third Term appeared first on The Onion.