Mark Platz, 51, passed unexpectedly Sunday. He is survived by his wife, his three children, and a massive secret collection of troubling pornography.

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WASHINGTON—In the latest government disclosure about the late financier and convicted pedophile, officials from the Department of Justice announced Tuesday that they were releasing a Jeffrey Epstein fragrance. “The aroma of infatuation, the perfume of the forbidden…DOJ is proud to unveil its new signature Jeffrey Epstein fragrance, Crave by Jeff,” Attorney General Pam Bondi said at […]

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Poor ticket sales for Melania Trump’s documentary Melania have led to rescue efforts by the GOP that include buying out theater seats to mask the film’s box office struggles, though many are reportedly still uninterested in attending screenings even when tickets are offered for free. What do you think?

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The post Rifle-Wielding Chair Umpire Asks Crowd If Making Noise During Australian Open Truly Worth Dying For appeared first on The Onion.

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