Significant mystery has cloaked a 14,400-square-foot Tuscan-style villa and a second, adjacent mansion purchased by the world’s richest man for himself and his extensive family. Here, The Onion uncovers what’s inside Elon Musk’s $35 million Texas compound.

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RAFAH, GAZA—Responding to reports that 15 rescue workers in Gaza were killed execution style and buried in a mass grave, Israel claimed this week that the slain Palestinians did not properly identify themselves as human. “Unfortunately, upon their encounter with IDF soldiers, these Palestinians provided no documentation indicating they were sentient beings entitled to basic […]

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After performing as a musical guest on the show to promote his upcoming album, Morgan Wallen made headlines when he abruptly left the Saturday Night Live stage. Here is everything you need to know about the artist. Birthplace: Bass Pro Shops Pyramid, Tennessee Genre: See name Default Setting: Aggrieved Fandom Name: Whites Controversies: 2016–present Favorite […]

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TECOLUCA, EL SALVADOR—Saying things had only gone downhill after a terrible morning, lawful U.S. resident Oscar Fernandez-Lopez, 38, stated Wednesday that he had already been having a bad day before being deported to the Salvadoran mega-prison known as CECOT. “I knew things were heading in the wrong direction when I spilled coffee on my shirt, […]

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BEND, OR—Pointing out how the 4-year-old Jack Russell terrier was already shaking with anticipation, avid bungee jumper Isaac Branch confirmed Thursday that his dog also loves bungee jumping. “Rocko’s obsessed with bungee jumping—he does it all the time!” said Branch, 25, who described the 15-pound canine as a “total adrenaline junky” who gets so riled […]

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