The post RFK Jr. Spins Brain On Finger appeared first on The Onion.

SAN JOSE, CA—With his explanation collapsing within seconds under the scrutiny of his parents, local toddler Timmy Herman reportedly felt the walls closing in on him Thursday after he claimed the TV broke itself. “So you’re telling me you just walked into the living room and the TV shattered all on its own?” said the […]

The post Walls Closing In On Toddler Who Claimed TV Broke Itself appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Bowing his head as he solemnly recited the fast food offerings, President Donald Trump conducted a marathon reading of the Arby’s menu Thursday in an effort to appeal to the nation’s meat lovers. “French Dip Royale, Classic Beef ’N Cheddar, Double Beef ’N Cheddar, Half Pound Beef ’N Cheddar—that’s from the Arby’s slow roasted beef […]

The post Trump Conducts Marathon Reading Of Arby’s Menu In Appeal To Meat Lovers appeared first on The Onion.

Following a Supreme Court ruling striking down Trump’s tariffs, the administration has begun the process of allowing businesses to apply for refunds. Here’s what you need to know about tariff refunds. Q: Why did the Supreme Court rule against Trump’s tariffs? A: The cult of personality surrounding 1913 Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan. Q: […]

The post What To Know About Tariff Refunds appeared first on The Onion.

ST. LOUIS—Revealing a drastic decline in regular honey-wine consumption among youths, a new study published by researchers at Saint Louis University found that Generation Z drinks far fewer flagons of mead than medieval generations did. “We observed that, as opposed to their predecessors, young adults today seldom venture out to their local mead hall and […]

The post Study Finds Gen Z Drinking Fewer Flagons Of Mead Than Medieval Generations appeared first on The Onion.