WASHINGTON—Smiling vacantly while the FBI director rattled off classified information over thumping EDM music, local bottle girl Tanya Page reportedly nodded along early Friday morning as Kash Patel screamed state secrets in her ear. “Yeah so we’re actually invading Pakistan soon! Nobody is supposed to know that, pretty cool, right?” said Patel, spilling his Don […]

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VATICAN CITY—In a wild and sacred competition attended by a screaming, raucous crowd of Catholic religious leaders at Saint Peter’s Basilica, hot young priests were soaked in holy water Friday during the Vatican’s annual Wet Vestment Contest. “All these hunky, muscular clergymen, who are just absolutely drenched in Holy Water and showing everything through those […]

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A newly passed law will prohibit the sale of tobacco products to U.K. residents who are under 18 and anyone born in the future, raising the minimum age of purchase by one year every year going forward. What do you think?

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