Costco recalled almost 208,000 heated socks after customers reported first- and second-degree burns. What do you think?

The post Over 200,000 Heated Socks Recalled Due To Burns appeared first on The Onion.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth issued a directive lifting the requirement that U.S. service members receive the flu vaccine, citing “medical autonomy.” What do you think?

The post U.S. Military To No Longer Require Flu Shots appeared first on The Onion.

COLUMBIA, MO—Growing increasingly irate that the new customer base had actually made the place profitable, regulars of local dive bar The Drunken Rooster were reportedly upset Friday after the business had become popular enough to be financially solvent. “This place used to be cool and underground, man. Now they have so many people in here […]

The post Regulars Angry Dive Bar Now Popular Enough To Be Financially Solvent appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Lowering their sunglasses for a better look at the massive honkin’ caboose, the entire U.S. populace was reportedly enthralled Friday by an adult man with a huge, juicy ass. “That middle-aged man has an absolute bakery back there,” said Harlan Davis, 33, echoing the sentiments of 340 million Americans who could not look away from […]

The post Nation Enthralled By Adult Man With Huge Juicy Ass appeared first on The Onion.

Masks, panels, and other red light therapy devices are selling better than ever. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding red light therapy. MYTH: Only light with a wavelength of 630–670 nm has proven clinical efficacy. FACT: It’s okay to sneak a few 671 nm wavelengths on cheat days. MYTH: Red light therapy can […]

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