The post Jack In The Box appeared first on The Onion.

Influencer Braden Peters, better known as Clavicular, has generated controversy for his “looksmaxxing” content. The Onion sat down with the streamer to discuss his views, methods, and aspirations. The Onion : Do you consider your methods to be extreme? Clavicular: I get called extreme, but no one blinks an eye when Ms. Rachel tells kids to […]

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The post You’re Not Wrong, Babies Are Getting Worse: Enshittification Comes For A Once-Beloved Classic appeared first on The Onion.

HONOLULU—Cackling wildly as He willed the barnyard fowl into existence, a drunk God Almighty, Supreme Leader of the Universe, reportedly made a few dozen roosters materialize Thursday over a random point in the Pacific Ocean. “Yo, Gabriel, check this shit out!” the wasted Creator of All Things said while jostling the archangel on the shoulder […]

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PHILADELPHIA—Expressing confusion over whether they were witnessing a sanctioned in-game antic or the feral behavior of a mascot gone rogue, Philadelphia Flyers fans reported Tuesday that they weren’t sure if Gritty was actually supposed to be eating a live bird. “He went straight from a silly hula dance to this—is it part of the bit or […]

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