WASHINGTON—Mortified at the effect his blundering might have on delicate relations between the two countries, Japanese diplomat Ryuto Tanaka confirmed Thursday that he was worried he had embarrassed himself in front of Kid Rock. “This is a man of great importance in the United States, and I have dishonored myself as well as the Japanese […]

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The post Melania Takes Camilla On Fun Girls’ Day Of Staring Coldly Across Empty Room In Silence appeared first on The Onion.

President Trump endorsed the idea of changing Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s name to National Immigration and Customs Enforcement, giving it the acronym NICE. What do you think?

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LOS ANGELES—Instructing his client to drop what she was doing and take a look in today’s New York Times, talent agent Jeremy Weinrib informed Rita Ora on Thursday that he had scored the singer another prime crossword puzzle placement. “Two down, top left, that’s all you baby,” said Weinrib, who urged Ora to pop a […]

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Influencer Braden Peters, better known as Clavicular, has generated controversy for his “looksmaxxing” content. The Onion sat down with the streamer to discuss his views, methods, and aspirations. The Onion : Do you consider your methods to be extreme? Clavicular: I get called extreme, but no one blinks an eye when Ms. Rachel tells kids to […]

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