BATON ROUGE, LA—Revealing that he was prepared to become a martyr for the popular cartoon dog from Australia, local 3-year-old Owen Fulks announced this week that he was more than willing to die for Bluey. “It would be the greatest honor to lay down my life for Bluey,” said Fulks, pledging his eternal allegiance to the […]

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LOS ANGELES—Sparking rumors about the pair’s relationship as she stepped out with the new piece of eye-catching jewelry, media personality Kylie Jenner was photographed Friday wearing an amulet that reportedly contained an imprisoned Timothée Chalamet. “It’s official—Timothée’s soul has been sealed inside that glowing pendant around her neck,” said an insider source, who hinted that the […]

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The Chinese government blasted the Recording Academy’s decision to award the Dalai Lama his first Grammy, claiming the music industry award for an audiobook was used as “a tool for anti-China political manipulation.” What do you think?

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JACKSONVILLE, FL—Sighing in frustration as she turned another page devoid of sexual content, Lord Of The Rings reader Adrienne Heeren told reporters Wednesday that she couldn’t believe how long it was taking for Sam and Frodo to fuck. “Don’t get me wrong—I love a slow-burn, friends-to-lovers kind of thing, but I’m on the third book, and they […]

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