Noah Kahan, the singer-songwriter behind “Stick Season,” has topped the Billboard 200 chart with his new album, The Great Divide. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Kahan. Genre: Barn wedding Influenced By: Growing up listening to oldies like Hozier and Bon Iver  Fans Call Themselves: Empaths Signature Hairstyle: The Crucible  Ideal First […]

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NEW YORK—Expressing resentment as the evening dragged on into its fifth hour, actress Zoë Kravitz was reportedly upset this week after fiancé Harry Styles hit it off with her mom a little too well. “I’m glad they found something to talk about; I just assumed the conversation would be more about me, or at least […]

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LOS ANGELES—In an effort to ensure his good deed did not go unseen and unappreciated, customer Angus Helms waited until the barista was watching to disarm a gunman at Highland Ground coffee shop, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Dammit, she’s still got her head down to empty out the cash register for this guy, and if I grab […]

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LOS ANGELES—In a desperate effort to get production of the animated film sequel back on schedule, Garfield Movie 2 director Mark Dindal reportedly begged lead voice actor Chris Pratt to stop ad-libbing Bible verses Thursday. “The line is ‘Is that lasagna I smell?’ not ‘A companion of gluttons shames his father,’ ” said Dindal, storming into the […]

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