The family of Teresa Cox, 81, will hold a burial service for her this Saturday and then exhume the body a week later for an encore.

The post Teresa Cox appeared first on The Onion.

TAMPA, FL—Acknowledging that the organization’s famously clean-cut grooming standards had grown increasingly out of place in a league that has otherwise evolved to embrace personality and style, New York Yankees managing general partner Hal Steinbrenner announced Thursday that the team had amended its long-standing appearance policy to allow extreme body modification. “After soliciting feedback from […]

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A study found that birds residing in cities consistently allowed men to approach almost a meter closer before flying away on average than women, with researchers unsure how they are able to determine sex or a reason for their behavior. What do you think?

The post Study: City Birds More Afraid Of Women Than Men appeared first on The Onion.

THE HEAVENS—In an effort to make the universe a more modern and efficient place, the Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, confirmed Wednesday that He would be discontinuing the pebble. “Starting in the year of our Me 2026, I will be ceasing creation of the pebble so that I can turn My focus toward […]

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A large-scale study found no correlation between school cell phone bans and higher test scores, though the findings pointed to increased levels of well-being among students. What do you think?

The post Study Finds Cell Phone Bans Don’t Help Grades appeared first on The Onion.