A purported suicide note found by Jeffrey Epstein’s cellmate after his first suicide attempt in 2019 was released to the public, though the handwritten letter has not been authenticated. What do you think?

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The post Doctors Say Digging Own Grave Keeps Bones Healthy After Menopause appeared first on The Onion.

TAMPA, FL—Acknowledging that the organization’s famously clean-cut grooming standards had grown increasingly out of place in a league that has otherwise evolved to embrace personality and style, New York Yankees managing general partner Hal Steinbrenner announced Thursday that the team had amended its long-standing appearance policy to allow extreme body modification. “After soliciting feedback from […]

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A study found that birds residing in cities consistently allowed men to approach almost a meter closer before flying away on average than women, with researchers unsure how they are able to determine sex or a reason for their behavior. What do you think?

The post Study: City Birds More Afraid Of Women Than Men appeared first on The Onion.

THE HEAVENS—In an effort to make the universe a more modern and efficient place, the Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, confirmed Wednesday that He would be discontinuing the pebble. “Starting in the year of our Me 2026, I will be ceasing creation of the pebble so that I can turn My focus toward […]

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