Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Cannes Film Festival Attendee Eating Nachos Out Of Plastic Beret

The post Cannes Film Festival Attendee Eating Nachos Out Of Plastic Beret appeared first on The Onion.

Despondent Shohei Ohtani Figured He Would Have Met Steve-O After 8 Years In U.S.

LOS ANGELES—Admitting that it had cast a long shadow over his otherwise successful time in America, despondent Dodgers superstar Shohei Ohtani told reporters Tuesday that he figured he would have met Steve-O by now after eight years in the United States. “I saw Steve-O on TV so many times growing up, so when I first […]

The post Despondent Shohei Ohtani Figured He Would Have Met Steve-O After 8 Years In U.S. appeared first on The Onion.

Ben Landau and William Roth

Ben Landau and William Roth: The happy couple married in a rusty grain silo Saturday after learning the price of renting out the barn.

The post Ben Landau and William Roth appeared first on The Onion.

‘Sidewalk Closed’ Sign Leaves Pedestrians Frightened, Wandering Helplessly

CHICAGO—Plunged into sudden disarray and confusion, pedestrians on Augusta Boulevard were reportedly left frightened and wandering helplessly Monday after encountering a bright orange “Sidewalk Closed” sign. According to witnesses, a growing crowd of disoriented commuters were milling anxiously in front of the sign, with one woman sobbing quietly into her hands and saying, “But this […]

The post ‘Sidewalk Closed’ Sign Leaves Pedestrians Frightened, Wandering Helplessly appeared first on The Onion.

Just When I Thought The World Couldn’t Get Any Worse, My Wife Makes Me Go To A Play

Every time I turn on the news, there’s something dreadful happening. Drugs pouring into our communities, innocent people dying in the streets, chaos unfolding in practically every corner of the country. Things outside the U.S. aren’t much prettier. Famine, war, poverty, terrorism. When did things get so hard? When did we become so divided? Basically […]

The post Just When I Thought The World Couldn’t Get Any Worse, My Wife Makes Me Go To A Play appeared first on The Onion.