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Susan Westbrook, 54, passed away Sunday after not shaking well something she was supposed to shake well.

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LANGLEY, VA—In the wake of an operation condemned by critics as a reckless provocation that fails to heed the lessons of history, the Central Intelligence Agency came under fire Friday for arming a group of rowdy 7-year-olds in the town of Heronburg, OH. “Last I checked, the American people were never consulted about whether they wanted […]

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BOSTON—In an effort to entice Giannis Antetokounmpo to join the franchise, the Boston Celtics announced Tuesday that guard Payton Pritchard was now the two-time MVP’s brother. “We understand it would be difficult for Giannis to leave Thanasis and Alex behind in Milwaukee, but we want him to know his beloved brother Payton is already right […]

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Every time I turn on the news, there’s something dreadful happening. Drugs pouring into our communities, innocent people dying in the streets, chaos unfolding in practically every corner of the country. Things outside the U.S. aren’t much prettier. Famine, war, poverty, terrorism. When did things get so hard? When did we become so divided? Basically […]

The post Just When I Thought The World Couldn’t Get Any Worse, My Wife Makes Me Go To A Play appeared first on The Onion.