WASHINGTON—Hailing the move as a more wholesome and patriotic substitute for the current U.S. territory, conservative advocacy group Turning Point USA announced Thursday that it was setting up an alternative Puerto Rico. “Finally, Americans will be able to enjoy a family-friendly tropical paradise that actually celebrates traditional values,” said Turning Point CEO Erika Kirk, adding that the island would be known as “Port Rick,” a mistranslation of “Puerto Rico” that […]

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SAN FRANCISCO—Heralding what it called a “bold new age” in warping the mind of the nation’s elderly leader, OpenAI introduced a new premium video generator Thursday marketed toward White House advisors manipulating President Donald Trump. “Our new Stephen video generator is an easy, user-friendly text-to-video model that can create clips up to two minutes long […]

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A study published in Science found that a bonobo named Kanzi could play along when researchers offered him invisible juice and grapes in a manner akin to a child’s make-believe tea party, concluding that the primate could imagine and track the nonexistent objects being manipulated. What do you think?

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WATERBURY, VT—Not wanting to squander the precious opportunity, local television viewer Amy Branson told reporters Tuesday that she was worried she was not living a 90-second ad break to the fullest. “There are so many drinks in the fridge and snacks in the pantry, and yet here I am just sitting on the sofa,” the […]

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