The U.S. Senate unanimously approved a resolution to withhold their own paychecks in the event of a government shutdown, although they would still receive backpay after the future shutdowns end. What do you think?

The post Senators Vote To Withhold Own Pay During Government Shutdowns appeared first on The Onion.

The post Commencement Speaker Addresses Impenetrable Cloud Of Vape Smoke appeared first on The Onion.

DENVER—In an expression of overwhelming confidence in their innate animal magnetism, the majority of men who participated is a study published Friday by researchers at the University of Colorado stated that they could seduce a bear if their life depended on it. “Nearly 70% of male respondents claimed that if they encountered an aggressive grizzly […]

The post Study: Most Men Believe They Could Seduce Bear If Life Depended On It appeared first on The Onion.

A 59,000-year-old neanderthal tooth unearthed from a cave in modern-day Russia revealed the earliest known evidence of dentistry, with it appearing as though someone drilled out a cavity. What do you think?

The post Study Finds Neanderthals Performed Dentistry appeared first on The Onion.

HENDERSON, NV—Solemnly nodding in agreement as they took turns speaking, each person engaged in an intense dinner conversation at a local restaurant Tuesday was reportedly under an entirely different impression as to which of the world’s horrific news stories they were discussing. According to sources, the four friends emphatically concurred that everything was really bleak […]

The post Everyone In Conversation Under Different Impression As To Which Horrific News Being Discussed appeared first on The Onion.