WASHINGTON—Praising the tireless efforts of the hundreds of agents who worked around the clock on the case, FBI director Kash Patel announced Friday that after almost two anguishing weeks, Savannah Guthrie had at last been located. “This morning before dawn, a hostage rescue team stormed a New York City townhouse and freed Savannah, who miraculously did […]

The post FBI Announces They Have Located Savannah Guthrie appeared first on The Onion.

A study published in the Journal Of Archaeological Science found that the Romans used human feces in medical treatments after discovering glass bottles containing the substance, the first time that physical evidence has been documented although Roman texts described the practice. What do you think?

The post Study Finds Ancient Romans Used Poop As Medicine appeared first on The Onion.

TrumpRx has officially launched. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the new government website.  Q: What is TrumpRx? A: A strange line item you’ll see pop up on your credit card bill 15 times in a row. Q: What kinds of prescriptions can I get through TrumpRx? A: TrumpRx offers low-cost access […]

The post What To Know About TrumpRx appeared first on The Onion.

LEAWOOD, KS—Struggling to contain his shock and amazement Friday when he recognized a familiar face on TV, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce reportedly yelled to his fiancée, Taylor Swift, “Yo! Taylor! Have you seen this shit?” after happening upon a Lena Dunham sex scene for the first time. “You gotta see this. This […]

The post ‘Yo! Taylor! Have You Seen This Shit?’ Yells Travis Kelce, Watching Lena Dunham Sex Scenes For First Time appeared first on The Onion.

The post ‘I Don’t Know How And It’s Not My Event’: Simone Biles On Her Decision Not To Snowboard At The Winter Olympics appeared first on The Onion.