The post Shai Gilgeous-Alexander Trying To Draw Foul While Shooting Free Throw appeared first on The Onion.

SUN PRAIRIE, WI—Struggling feebly against the temptation to abandon the ethical standards he swore to uphold upon his election to the position, local student council treasurer Grayson Burner’s deepest convictions were reportedly tested Thursday after he obtained access to $52 in singles. “Let’s not do anything too hasty—this kind of money doesn’t come along every […]

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The post OpenAI Announces Construction Of New Data Center On Top Of Sick Child appeared first on The Onion.

LOS ANGELES—Flashing her freshly manicured nails in a show of dominance, Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills cast member Kyle Richards was seen Thursday circling menacingly around the table where The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives ’ California spinoff was filming. “I don’t care what you Mormon wives get up to in Utah, but California is mine, […]

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Since the U.S. and Israel attacked Iran on Feb. 28, hostilities have escalated into naval blockades and threats from both sides that could spark a wider war. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind the conflict. 10-20 Synonyms for “boondoggle” journalists aren’t allowed to use 8.6 million Schoolchildren remaining in Iranian stockpiles 19-ish […]

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