At my age, most people have given up on their dreams. They go to college, settle down, get steady careers. Pretty soon, they’ve spent so much time on the corporate money-go-round they can’t even remember what got their engines going in the first place. But I could never see myself holding down a nine-to-five like […]

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It turns out Kimberly Cunningham, 45, did forget her EpiPen at home.

The post Kimberly Cunningham appeared first on The Onion.

LEAWOOD, KS—Stressing that he wouldn’t want his best bud to feel left out on such a special day, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce reportedly asked fiancée Taylor Swift this week if, during their upcoming wedding, his brother Jason could get married with them too. “It wouldn’t feel right if Jason wasn’t up there with […]

The post Travis Kelce Asks Taylor Swift If Jason Can Also Get Married With Them appeared first on The Onion.

A Pew Research Center survey found that 62% of American adults say they interact with artificial intelligence several times a week or more. Here are some tips for using AI. Fact-check any information provided by asking the follow-up question “Are you sure?” Offset your water footprint by not bathing for 72 hours after each use. […]

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HYDE PARK, NY—Saying their beloved family patriarch had wanted to make one final contribution to the world he was leaving behind, relatives of the late Jasper Weaver confirmed Tuesday that he had donated his body to culinary science. “Dad always said he didn’t want his body to just rot in the ground when there was so […]

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