Spotting the big brown eyes that peeped out from a shelf of stuffed animal toys, a traveler browsing in a Tasmanian airport gift shop discovered a real Australian brushtail possum nestled among the plush marsupials. What do you think?

The post Live Possum Found Hiding Among Gift Shop Plush Animal Toys appeared first on The Onion.

The Food and Drug Administration canceled a plan to regulate tanning salons that would have prohibited anyone under 18 from using a tanning bed and required adults to sign a waiver acknowledging the risks of skin cancer. What do you think?

The post FDA Withdraws Proposed Rule Barring Minors From Using Tanning Beds appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Opening his eyes after nodding off for several minutes at his desk in the Oval Office, President Donald Trump is said to have awoken Friday from a beautiful dream about kissing an underage girl only to find himself being licked in the face by a St. Bernard. “Oh yeah, Vanessa, I love how slobbery your […]

The post Trump Wakes From Beautiful Dream Kissing Underage Girl To Find Face Being Licked By St. Bernard appeared first on The Onion.

The post Suspect Waits Patiently While Cop Sounds Out Miranda Rights appeared first on The Onion.

Tallahassee Memorial Healthcare sued a patient who refused to depart her room after being discharged last October, claiming she is diverting resources that could be used to help others. What do you think?

The post Florida Hospital Sues To Evict Patient Discharged 5 Months Ago appeared first on The Onion.