Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Anti-Aging Millionaire Announces He Has Put In Purple Contact Lenses

The Onion

Jerry Jones Signs 15-Year, $500 Million Life Extension

The Onion

GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation

The Onion

Report: Honestly, Man You Saw Get Hit By Bus Can’t Stop Thinking About You Either

The Onion

Poll Finds Majority Of Americans Would Support Wind Turbines If They Sliced Deli Meat As Well

The Onion

Long Time No Semen

The Onion

Philadelphia Enjoys Quiet Week Of Super Bowl Victory Reflection

The Onion

Investigation Finds Elon Musk’s Hair-Plug Guy Given Highest Security Clearance

The Onion

Man With Fogged-Up Glasses Forced To Finish Soup Using Other Senses

The Onion

Humanitarian Organizations Arrive In Philadelphia To Feed City’s Hungover Residents

The Onion

Colombia President Claims Cocaine No Worse Than Whiskey

The Onion

Bird Flu: Myth Vs. Fact

The Onion

Kangaroo Embryo Produced Through IVF For First Time

The Onion

Genius Outsmarts Bank By Using Credit Card To Pay Off Other Credit Card

The Onion

Lock Clicks Behind Marco Rubio During Tour Of Salvadoran Prison Cell

The Onion

Nick Sirianni To Eagles Fans: ‘I Hate All Of You, Fuck You’

The Onion

Trump Regales Jackson Mahomes With Tales Of His Old Groping Days

The Onion

Heroic Secret Service Agent Shields Trump From Brittany Mahomes

The Onion

Travis Kelce Caught Fingering Taylor Swift Under Super Bowl Bleachers

The Onion

Fox Bleeps Out Entire Kendrick Lamar Performance

The Onion