Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

MTA Admits To Fabricating Large Parts Of Subway Map

The Onion

Bullshit Newborn Not Even Christ

The Onion

Santa Tracker Shows Sleigh Stopped For 40 Minutes Outside Old Girlfriend’s House

The Onion

Usha Vance Forces Smile After Unwrapping Another Bible For Christmas

The Onion

Felt Beard Taped To Child’s Face Hanging On For Dear Life With Entire Christmas Pageant To Go

The Onion

McConaissance Quietly Concludes

The Onion

Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!

The Onion

State Department Reinstates Times New Roman Font Over DEI Concerns

The Onion

Hockey Players Blast ‘Heated Rivalry’ For Unrealistic Depiction Of Anal Sex 

The Onion

Community Does Jack Shit To Make Christmas Better For Town’s Second-Poorest Family

The Onion

Blue Drew Barrymore Could’ve Sworn She Saw James Cameron On Schedule

The Onion

Student Who’s Been In 3 School Shootings Starting To Think This Might Be About Him

The Onion

Trump Announces New ‘Dodger Dividend’ For Anyone Who Avoided Military Service

The Onion

Trump Assures Struggling Nation He Has Plenty Of Money

The Onion

Political Profile: Jack Schlossberg

The Onion

New Research Reveals Ancient Egyptians Received Significant Help From Parents While Building Pyramids

The Onion

Aldi CEO Chased Off From Whole Foods Dumpsters 

The Onion

Report Finds More Americans Using GoFundMe For Basic Necessities

The Onion

Joe Flacco’s Wife Dresses As Giant Football To Spice Things Up In Bedroom

The Onion

MS NOW Lures New Viewers With Rotating Gyro Spit In Corner Of Screen

The Onion