Studios Enter Bidding War Over Napkin Stephen King Wrote ‘Ghoul’ On

The Onion

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Trump Writes Netanyahu Strongly Worded Check

The Onion

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Breaking: The Darkness Returns

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NBA Reaffirms Commitment To Gamblers Only Ruining Their Lives Legally

The Onion

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Dan Snyder Walking Around Commanders Stadium Knocking Food Out Of People’s Hands

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Elon Musk Launches Grokipedia To Compete With Wikipedia

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The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Katy Perry And Justin Trudeau

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ICE Agent, 7-Year-Old Both Wearing Same ‘Military Commando’ Halloween Costume

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Cam Skattebo Assured He’ll Only Be Missing Giants Games

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Prince Andrew Stripped Of Royal Computer Privileges

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Neighbors Always Knew Teen Gunman Was Evil And Did Nothing Because They Are Evil Too

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RFK Jr. Greets Trick-Or-Treaters With Big Bowl Of Ape Glands

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Cursed Videotape Kills Anyone Who Swallows It Whole

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24-Hour Horror Movie Marathon Attended With Other Failures

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Scream Mask Left On While Using Toilet

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Mike McDaniel Coaches Game Lying Facedown On Sideline

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Nvidia Becomes First $5 Trillion Company

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China Agrees To Purchase 11 U.S. Soybeans 

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Parents Ask Detained Nanny If She’s Still Free To Watch Kids Friday

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Chicago ICE Raids By The Numbers

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