Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Monster Devastated To See Film Depicting Things He Told Guillermo Del Toro In Confidence

The Onion

Bored Kylie Jenner Feigns Smile As Timothée Chalamet Continues Playing Harmonica

The Onion

National Beef Council Debuts New ‘You’re Supposed To Feel Like That’ Campaign

The Onion

Elon Musk Appears To Give Nazi Salute

The Onion

What To Know About The Jan. 6 Pardons

The Onion

Report: Best Pickup Technique Remains Approaching Woman And Saying ‘Ditch This Zero And Get With A Hero’

The Onion

Ram Will Stop Headbutting Things When Headbutting Things Stops Working

The Onion

Surgeon General Recommends Adding Cancer Warning To All Nuclear Bombs

The Onion

Black Market Organ Dealer Tired Of Being Asked If He’s Seen ‘Squid Game’

The Onion

Nutritionists Recommend Following Occasional Trail Of Sweets Into Dark Forest To Help Manage Cravings

The Onion

Conservative Outraged Tampons Available In Men’s Grocery Stores

The Onion

Mark David Chapman Decides To Just Go With It After Receiving January 6 Pardon

The Onion

Biden In Critical Condition After Sticking Tongue In Marine One Chopper Blade

The Onion

Better Copulate Than Never

The Onion

Man Groans After Only Thing Left On Bezos Wedding Registry New Rocket Booster

The Onion

Alarming Study Finds Only 1 In 4 Americans Can Get A Motherfuckin’ ‘Hell Yeah’

The Onion

JD Vance Sworn In On Stack Of Printed 4chan Greentexts

The Onion

Confused Trump Autographs Swearing-In Bible Before Handing It Back To Justice Roberts

The Onion

Inauguration Begins With Moment Of Silent Gloating

The Onion

Melania Trump Swiping Through Raya Matches In Full View Of Cameras

The Onion