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This Week's Most Viral News: March 8, 2024

The Onion

German Man Receives 217 Covid Vaccines

The Onion

Nation Celebrates 150th Anniversary Of Thomas Edison Inventing Electrical Duck

The Onion

Blood-Covered Mark Zuckerberg Informed That Murder He Just Committed Was Not In Metaverse

The Onion

Gynecologist Wheels Out From Under Legs To Ask Nurse For Socket Wrench

The Onion

Habitat For Insanity Invests 35 Million Seashells Into Building Affordable Teeth

The Onion

Kids Explain How They’re Brainwashed By The ‘Woke’ Public School Agenda

The Onion

Biden Crumbles To Dust During State Of Union

The Onion

‘I Know Him,’ Kamala Harris Whispers To Mike Johnson During State Of The Union

The Onion

Man Who Tossed Hot Dog Scraps On Ground To Be Followed For Rest Of Life By Sea Gull

The Onion

Nikki Haley Drops Out Of Presidential Race

The Onion

Kamala Harris Swaps Shifts At Orangetheory To Attend State Of The Union

The Onion

Pros And Cons Of Voting ‘Uncommitted’ In The Democratic Primary

The Onion

Waitstaff Watches Helplessly As Limo Full Of Screaming 12-Year-Old Girls Pulls Up To Restaurant

The Onion

Study Finds Humans Cannot Accurately Interpret Cat Behavior

The Onion

Archaeologists Uncover First Caves Gentrified By Homo Sapiens

The Onion

Words Besides ‘Genocide’ U.S. News Outlets Use To Describe Genocide

The Onion

Hearse Driver Makes Small Talk With Corpse Riding In Back

The Onion

Krysten Sinema Will Not Seek Reelection

The Onion

Mom Offers To Set Single Daughter Up With Nice Man From Salad Dressing Label

The Onion