NEW YORK—Expressing gratitude for the opportunity to correct the record against his opponents, current New York City mayor and former candidate for reelection Eric Adams reportedly said “Thank you for that question” Thursday to a group of rats he had captured and forced to act out a private debate in his Gracie Mansion bedroom. “It’s […]

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NEW YORK—Casting doubt on the mayoral candidate’s ability to effectively carry out the duties of the office, critics assailed New York State Rep. Zohran Mamdani Friday for refusing to share his plan to make the rich richer. “Despite repeated calls to release his four-year plan for growing the coffers of our city’s wealthy elite, Mamdani […]

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STANFORD, CA—Shedding new light on the rare trait’s origins, researchers at the Stanford School of Medicine announced Friday that they had successfully identified the gene responsible for giving individuals the ability to visualize a murder when they touch a missing person’s sweater. “Through extensive DNA analysis, we have finally isolated the sequence of base pairs […]

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WASHINGTON—Describing the secretary of homeland security’s cameo on the reality show as “highly unnerving,” viewers reported Friday that Kristi Noem can be seen looming in the background of an entire episode of TLC’s 90 Day Fiancé. Fans of the show confirmed the 53-year-old former governor of South Dakota is visible throughout season 11, episode 16, which is […]

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Services such as Klarna, Affirm, and AfterPay, which offer users “buy now, pay later” financing, have surged in popularity among U.S. consumers. The Onion examines the pros and cons of using BNPL loans.  PRO Ideal for shoppers seeking a less traditional debt trap Bills are every month, but this girls trip is once in a […]

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