Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

‘Fuck It, A Gig’s A Gig,’ Says Bruce Springsteen, Agreeing To Headline Freedom 250 Concert

COLTS NECK, NJ—Declaring that he wasn’t about to turn down a fat check for shitting out some hits, rock icon Bruce Springsteen said, “Fuck it, a gig’s a gig,” Monday as he agreed to headline the controversial Freedom 250 concert series on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. “I may get some flack from the […]

The post ‘Fuck It, A Gig’s A Gig,’ Says Bruce Springsteen, Agreeing To Headline Freedom 250 Concert appeared first on The Onion.

‘Euphoria’ Delivers Happy Ending Where Fans Never Have To Watch ‘Euphoria’ Again

LOS ANGELES—Breathing a deep sigh of relief as the credits rolled Sunday night, fans praised HBO drama Euphoria for delivering a happy ending in which they would never have to watch the series ever again. “Thank God, it’s over—it’s finally over,” said 29-year-old fan Emma Torres, who added that the experience of realizing she would […]

The post ‘Euphoria’ Delivers Happy Ending Where Fans Never Have To Watch ‘Euphoria’ Again appeared first on The Onion.

Graham Platner: ‘I Didn’t Know Extramarital Sexting Was A Symbol For Cheating’

The post Graham Platner: ‘I Didn’t Know Extramarital Sexting Was A Symbol For Cheating’ appeared first on The Onion.

Tearful Trump Claims He Was Sex-Trafficked By Epstein

WASHINGTON—Growing visibly emotional as he recounted the trauma surfaced by the Justice Department’s release of files on the serial predator, a tearful President Donald Trump told reporters Wednesday he had been sex-trafficked by disgraced financier Jeffrey Epstein. Trump, who described himself as a “victim of really unbelievable stuff, some of the worst” at a press […]

The post Tearful Trump Claims He Was Sex-Trafficked By Epstein appeared first on The Onion.

Everything We Know About ‘The Odyssey’ So Far

The Odyssey, director Christopher Nolan’s first film since Oppenheimer, is coming to theaters July 17. Here is everything we know about the highly anticipated blockbuster so far. Stars returning include Nolan favorites Matt Damon, Anne Hathaway, Chris Rock, Kevin James, and Rob Schneider Maintains strict historical accuracy by having a character state “It smells terrible […]

The post Everything We Know About ‘The Odyssey’ So Far appeared first on The Onion.