The post FBI Designates Brown University Shooting A Cold Case appeared first on The Onion.

PROVIDENCE, RI—In the hours following a violent rampage in Rhode Island in which a lone attacker killed at least two individuals and injured several others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Monday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This […]

The post ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens appeared first on The Onion.

In-N-Out Burger quietly removed “67” from its order call-out system nationwide, apparently to deter youths from erupting into cheers when the number was announced. What do you think?

The post In-N-Out Removes ‘67’ From Ordering System appeared first on The Onion.

Former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and pop star Katy Perry confirmed their status as a couple after a number of public sightings sparked rumors of a romance. The Onion presents a timeline of the pair’s relationship. A.D. 1100 The couple’s common ancestor establishes two distinct bloodlines. 2008 A trembling 37-year-old Trudeau lies awake all […]

The post Timeline Of Katy Perry And Justin Trudeau’s Relationship appeared first on The Onion.

With the holiday season getting longer every year, Americans nationwide are searching for methods to ensure the focal point of their decor remains healthy and vibrant through Dec. 25 and beyond. Here are tips on how to keep your Christmas tree fresh. Choose A Genetically Pure Tree Of Noble Heritage: Often the reason a Christmas […]

The post How To Keep Your Christmas Tree Fresh appeared first on The Onion.