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This Week's Most Viral News: April 5, 2024

The Onion

MTA Demands $750,000 In Tolls From NYC Marathon Bridge Crossing

The Onion

Study Finds Majority Of Americans Could Jump Parking Meter If Bum Knee Weren’t Acting Up

The Onion

Men Explain Why They Could Outscore Caitlin Clark

The Onion

Pregnant Sex Ed Teacher Must Really Know Her Stuff

The Onion

Terrifying Shadow Cast Across Hall As Roommate’s Hookup Lumbers Toward Bathroom

The Onion

Sotheby’s Announces Auction Of Napkin On Which Jeffrey Epstein Jotted Down Idea For Pedophilia

The Onion

Israel Orders Strike On Chef José Andrés’ Boyhood Home

The Onion

Biden: ‘Israel Has An Obligation Not To Harm My Reelection Chances’

The Onion

Trump Says Election Day Will Be ‘Christian Visibility Day’

The Onion

$5 Umbrella Doing The Best It Can, All Right?

The Onion

AT&T’s Data Breach By The Numbers

The Onion

Things To Never Say To An RFK Jr. Voter

The Onion

College Tuition Rises To $95,000 Per Year At Some Schools

The Onion

Father Unaware He Been Pushing Empty Stroller For Past 8 Blocks

The Onion

Existential Researchers Teach Rat To Run Forever Through Exitless Maze

The Onion

European Enjoys City Centre

The Onion

Pope Francis Encourages Catholics To Ask For What They Want While God In Good Mood

The Onion

8 Tardy Passengers Stranded After Cruise Captain Refuses To Let Them Board

The Onion

Study Successfully Uses Phone App To Diagnose Frontotemporal Dementia

The Onion