FORT WORTH, TX—In a move that left hundreds of longtime residents scrambling to find alternative housing, municipal construction crews reportedly demolished a local Black neighborhood Thursday, part of an ongoing city project to make room for nothing in particular. “For decades, this part of Fort Worth has languished as nothing more than a loving community for […]

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Serena Williams announced she will play doubles at the prestigious HSBC Championships as a wildcard, marking the 44-year-old superstar’s return to professional tennis after a four-year hiatus away from the sport. What do you think?

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Both bride and groom knew working with a matchmaker would be a waste of time, but they were determined to get their money’s worth no matter what.

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WASHINGTON—Declaring the money long overdue compensation for some of the nation’s most persecuted individuals, President Donald Trump announced an $88 billion fund Tuesday specifically appropriated to any man ever rejected by a woman. “At long last, there will be justice for every man in America who was very unfairly told no,” said the president, noting […]

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Listen, sweetie. There’s something your father and I wanted to talk to you about. Over the past few months, we’ve noticed you’ve been behaving a little differently. Your grades have slipped, you always seem a little distracted, and, yes, we’ve noticed you sneaking out late every night. But we’re not angry. If anything, we’re just […]

The post I’m So Sad You Didn’t Think You Could Tell Your Father And Me You Were The Santa Fe Slasher appeared first on The Onion.