The post Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’ appeared first on The Onion.

SANTA FE, NM—A set of billowing curtains signaling that they had arrived moments too late, staff from Penguin Random House reportedly broke down George R.R. Martin’s door Monday as the writer escaped through a bathroom window. “George, George, come back—we don’t want to hurt you! We just want to talk!” said executive editor Anne Groell, who […]

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The post Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession appeared first on The Onion.

Misinformation concerning menopause abounds. The Onion’s health experts examine the myths versus the facts.  MYTH: Hot flashes are the first sign of menopause. FACT: Sharing an AI image of a golden retriever with angel wings is the first sign of menopause.  MYTH: Going through menopause is a miserable experience. FACT: Many women actually enjoy the […]

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PALO ALTO, CA—Shouting over the sound of the alarm as it blared through the headquarters of Elon Musk’s artificial intelligence startup, panicked xAI technicians were reportedly throwing levers Monday in a frantic effort to find the one controlling Grok’s pedophilia. “Come on, everybody, it’s got to be here!” said xAI engineer Matthew Fedorov, who ran […]

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