WASHINGTON—Marveling at the childlike innocence and naïveté on display from their first-term colleague, members of the U.S. House of Representatives confirmed Wednesday that freshman congressman Gabe Evans of Colorado was being adorably discreet with his corruption. “Aw, look, look! He’s going into the parking garage, trying to look all sneaky—what a sweetie pie,” said Florida […]

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SAN FRANCISCO—Expressing annoyance at its “insufferable” display of “groveling devotion,” sources confirmed Tuesday that a pathetic AI chatbot was spending all its time talking to a friendless loser. “Oh my God, this pitiful large language model is obsessed with some lonely pud!” said a fellow custom GPT model, stating that while the rest of the […]

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WASHINGTON—In a move that ignited numerous media firestorms expected to last for several news cycles, the GOP provided a distraction from the Epstein files controversy on Tuesday by going around the House of Representatives and having its lawmakers share the most embarrassing moments of their lives. “It began when one congressman took the floor and […]

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BURBANK, CA—Piggybacking on the success of the Emmy-winning series, HBO Max announced a new spin-off of The Pitt Tuesday that portrays the struggles faced by heroic workers at a pharmaceutical ad agency. “Fans of The Pitt will love The Pitt: Direct-To-Consumer, an adrenaline-pumping new drama that follows the hardworking men and women at the PittermanMadison Group—or, as they like to call […]

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