Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Cindy Patton

Cindy Patton, 66, died Wednesday when a nugget of granola punctured her cyanide tooth.

The post Cindy Patton appeared first on The Onion.

Melania Trump Casts Longtime Aide Into Well Of Gloom

WASHINGTON—In an abrupt termination that surprised many White House observers and raised questions about the fate of her remaining staff, first lady Melania Trump reportedly cast longtime aide Heather Schofield into the Well of Gloom on Thursday.  Shortly after midnight, the 55-year-old Trump was seen upon the blasted, confounding landscape of the Glade of Sorrow, […]

The post Melania Trump Casts Longtime Aide Into Well Of Gloom appeared first on The Onion.

Trump’s Military Spending By The Numbers

With its proposal of the first-ever $1 trillion defense budget, the White House has sought a dramatic increase in funding for the armed forces. Here, The Onion breaks down President Trump’s military spending by the numbers.

The post Trump’s Military Spending By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion.

Spencer Pratt Announces Run For L.A. Mayor

Reality television personality Spencer Pratt announced a longshot bid for Los Angeles mayor, with The Hills star vowing to “expose the system.” What do you think?

The post Spencer Pratt Announces Run For L.A. Mayor appeared first on The Onion.

Wild-Eyed Andy Cohen Announces ‘The Real Housewives Of My Attic’

AMAGANSETT, NY—Saying he couldn’t wait for Bravo’s audience to meet the dynamic cast of his latest production, a shaking, wild-eyed Andy Cohen took to Instagram Live Monday to announce he had just greenlit The Real Housewives Of My Attic. “Based on the scuttling and scampering noises I hear coming from up there 24 hours a day, […]

The post Wild-Eyed Andy Cohen Announces ‘The Real Housewives Of My Attic’ appeared first on The Onion.