BLOOMINGTON, IL—Stopping the polo-clad man and ushering him off toward the bathroom, restaurant staff reportedly provided an improperly dressed Applebee’s patron with a loaner stained hoodie on Wednesday. “I’m sorry, sir, but we cannot seat you unless you are wearing something more in line with this establishment’s dress code,” said Applebee’s hostess Angeline Reilly, who […]

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ITHACA, NY—Stressing that even shallow puddles could undermine an infant’s traction, parenting experts at Cornell University published a report Wednesday in which they warned that babies could hydroplane in as little as one inch of water. “You have to watch infants and toddlers closely around water, because even a thin layer can send them sliding […]

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The founder of instant messaging app Telegram, Pavel Durov, says the more than 100 children he has fathered will share his estimated $13.9 billion fortune, including those who were born from his sperm donations. What do you think?

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The post FEMA Head Under Fire After Accidentally Playing Porn On Emergency Alert System appeared first on The Onion.

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