Firefighters had to rescue a man who got stuck in the chimney of a Connecticut parks building while attempting to retrieve his dog from a bathroom when the doors automatically locked for the night. What do you think?

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Jeff Bezos, Amazon founder and the world’s second richest man, wed his fiancé Lauren Sanchez in a lavish, multi-day ceremony this week in Venice, Italy. The Onion examines the facts and figures behind the event. 4,976: Number of Amazon fulfillment center workers who fainted on the job to make this possible 25: Yacht pileup in […]

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The post Andrew Cuomo Subpoenas Gynecological Records Of Women Who Didn’t Vote For Him appeared first on The Onion.

VENICE, ITALY—Smiling at the couple’s lighthearted twist on a traditional ring bearer, guests at the wedding of Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez were reportedly delighted this week by the sight of an Amazon worker with a ring tied to his collar crawling down the aisle. “Oh my gosh, my heart is melting—such a good boy,” […]

The post Bezos Wedding Guests Delighted By Amazon Worker With Ring Tied To Collar Crawling Down Aisle  appeared first on The Onion.

VENICE, ITALY—In a welcome bag filled with favors such as local chocolates, artisanal soaps, and scented candles, guests arriving for the wedding of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez this week were reportedly given monogrammed plastic bottles in which to urinate during the ceremony. “Because guests will be strictly prohibited from leaving the room […]

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