The post American Baked Potato Association Study Finds It Best To Load ’Er Up appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Determined to help their father bring down high prices by single-handedly boosting the nation’s fuel supply, a dirt-covered Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly attempted Friday to siphon gasoline from the ground. “I’m gonna slurp some gas out of this hole, and then while I’m spitting the gas into the bucket, you slurp up […]

The post Dirt-Covered Trump Boys Attempt To Siphon Gas From Ground appeared first on The Onion.

MILPITAS, CA—After gradually resigning himself to an evening entirely devoid of physical intimacy, local man Seth Martin observed Friday that his third date with Hinge match Laura Parker was apparently just going to be watching Amélie without any hugs or kisses. “We’re an hour into the movie and Laura hasn’t so much as held my […]

The post Third Date Apparently Just Going To Be Watching ‘Amélie’ Without Any Hugs Or Kisses appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—In a promise to address the pain Americans were feeling at the pump as his war with Iran approached its fourth week, President Donald Trump threatened Friday to launch airstrikes against U.S. gas stations if they did not lower their prices. “These terrible places must stop overcharging Americans every time they put fuel in their […]

The post Trump Threatens Airstrikes On U.S. Gas Stations appeared first on The Onion.

Gas prices are soaring, with the price of crude oil rising above $119 per barrel at one point Thursday. The Onion shares tips for saving money at the pump. Remove unnecessary weight from your vehicle, such as airbags, doors, and bumpers. Driving in reverse uses less gas, probably. Limit braking to weekends. Make a tank […]

The post Tips For Saving On Gas appeared first on The Onion.