Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

MrBeast Offers To Give $1 Million To First Person Who Can Teach Him To Blink

GREENVILLE, NC—Calling it a “life-changing” opportunity for one of his many subscribers, internet influencer Jimmy “MrBeast” Donaldson reportedly offered Friday to give $1 million to the first person who could teach him to blink. “Today, I’m kicking off the ‘Make MrBeast Blink Challenge’ and asking all of you to help me learn to finally close […]

The post MrBeast Offers To Give $1 Million To First Person Who Can Teach Him To Blink appeared first on The Onion.

Daze Of Whine And Poses

The post Daze Of Whine And Poses appeared first on The Onion.

More Parents Say Allowing Child To Play Football Not Worth Risk Of Being Drafted By Jets

SPRINGFIELD, MO—Claiming the awful predicament was every mother and father’s worst nightmare, reports confirmed Tuesday that more parents now say that allowing their children to play football is not worth the risk of having them drafted by the New York Jets. “Sure, there are positives to having your child play football, but if my son […]

The post More Parents Say Allowing Child To Play Football Not Worth Risk Of Being Drafted By Jets appeared first on The Onion.

Dollar General Tests Same-Day Delivery

Dollar General is testing same-day delivery to customers’ homes as the deep-discounter tries to fend off fiercer competition with Walmart. What do you think?

The post Dollar General Tests Same-Day Delivery appeared first on The Onion.

Assad Regime Leaves Note Thanking Locals For Supporting Family-Run Dictatorship

DAMASCUS—Stating that none of it would have been possible without the broken will of the nation’s people, ousted Syrian autocrat Bashar al-Assad left a note Sunday thanking locals for supporting his family-run dictatorship. “It’s been my family’s great honor to operate an authoritarian regime in this country for the past half century, and we never […]

The post Assad Regime Leaves Note Thanking Locals For Supporting Family-Run Dictatorship appeared first on The Onion.