CHICAGO—With the fourth season of the hit FX show now streaming, viewers reportedly tuned into new episodes of The Bear Wednesday and watched a mutant Carmen Berzatto terrorize Chicago after falling into a vat of beef juice. “This year we decided to go in a different direction with Carmy, who has up until now been […]

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WASHINGTON—Citing extensive research he had conducted on the matter, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. issued a statement Friday claiming that vaccines were no more effective than drinking horseshoe crab blood straight. “Despite the lofty promises of pharmaceutical companies, there’s simply no evidence to suggest that vaccines provide more immunological benefit than […]

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GETTYSBURG, PA—Following a fourth chorus of “Kingdom Coming,” fellow participants sternly reminded local Civil War reenactor Christopher Geary that this was not his personal fife recital, frustrated sources confirmed Friday. “This is the Battle of Gettysburg, not the Christopher Geary Music Hour!” said Frank Mercer, 54, who portrayed Gen. George Meade and had already told […]

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ST. PETERSBURG, FL—Noting that the change in status was disconcerting and weird for everyone involved, family sources released a report Thursday confirming that it would never feel right seeing Dad in the backseat of the car. “It’s just wrong to look in the rearview mirror and see Dad sitting back there like a little kid,” […]

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Karate Kid actor and Cobra Kai star Martin Kove was asked to leave a fan convention after biting co-star Alicia Hannah-Kim so hard during a VIP meet-and-greet that he nearly drew blood, claiming that he “was being playful in the moment but went too far.” What do you think?

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