Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Assad Flees Syria After Rebels Capture Damascus

The Assad family’s decades-long reign in Syria came to an abrupt end when rebel forces captured Damascus after a stunning lightning-strike rout across the country. What do you think?

The post Assad Flees Syria After Rebels Capture Damascus appeared first on The Onion.

College Student Explains What It Like To Be First In Family Forced To Drink Own Urine In Frat House

The post College Student Explains What It Like To Be First In Family Forced To Drink Own Urine In Frat House appeared first on The Onion.

Assad Returns To Ophthalmology At Moscow LensCrafters

MOSCOW—Just days after rebels seized Damascus, deposed Syrian President Bashar al-Assad reportedly returned to practicing ophthalmology at a Moscow LensCrafters, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Which one is better—one or two?” said the former brutal dictator who had imprisoned, tortured, and killed tens of thousands of his own people and was now standing behind a phoropter as […]

The post Assad Returns To Ophthalmology At Moscow LensCrafters appeared first on The Onion.

MrBeast Offers To Give $1 Million To First Person Who Can Teach Him To Blink

GREENVILLE, NC—Calling it a “life-changing” opportunity for one of his many subscribers, internet influencer Jimmy “MrBeast” Donaldson reportedly offered Friday to give $1 million to the first person who could teach him to blink. “Today, I’m kicking off the ‘Make MrBeast Blink Challenge’ and asking all of you to help me learn to finally close […]

The post MrBeast Offers To Give $1 Million To First Person Who Can Teach Him To Blink appeared first on The Onion.

More Parents Say Allowing Child To Play Football Not Worth Risk Of Being Drafted By Jets

SPRINGFIELD, MO—Claiming the awful predicament was every mother and father’s worst nightmare, reports confirmed Tuesday that more parents now say that allowing their children to play football is not worth the risk of having them drafted by the New York Jets. “Sure, there are positives to having your child play football, but if my son […]

The post More Parents Say Allowing Child To Play Football Not Worth Risk Of Being Drafted By Jets appeared first on The Onion.