With incidence rates increasing over the past two decades, more doctors are recommending routine self-checks to catch early signs of breast cancer. Here’s how to perform a breast self-exam. Remove your clothes and place them in a safe location so that rambunctious neighbor boys can’t steal them and ride away on their bicycles laughing. Beg […]

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The post Canine Breeding-Activists Firebomb Spay-And-Neuter Clinic appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Citing the results of an exhaustive five-year inquiry into the source of the outbreak of social isolation currently plaguing the United States, the Department of Health and Human Services declared Wednesday that Dayton, OH–area loser Bill McCraw was patient zero in the national loneliness epidemic. “Through extensive contact tracing, we’ve confirmed the epidemic of loneliness that […]

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ABILENE, KS—Holding their loved ones close in astonishment as they witnessed thehistory-making broadcast, an emotional nation reportedly gathered outside a Main Street television store Friday to watch  a monster truck land on a smaller truck. “Oh my gosh, I never thought I’d see something like this in my lifetime—honey? Honey, look at what Slingshot is doing,” […]

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Taco Bell opened a new concept restaurant in San Diego called the Live Más Café, featuring a beverage-centric menu that includes milkshakes, coffees, fruity iced drinks and a take on a dirty soda trend with its trademark Mountain Dew Baja Blast. What do you think?

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