PREDAZZO, ITALY—Calling the incident a flagrant violation of both the rules of the event and the fundamental constants of the universe, International Olympic Committee officials confirmed Saturday that the Finnish ski jumping team had been caught tampering with Earth’s gravitational field in an attempt to gain a competitive advantage at the Winter Olympics. “During a […]

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WASHINGTON—Praising the tireless efforts of the hundreds of agents who worked around the clock on the case, FBI director Kash Patel announced Friday that after almost two anguishing weeks, Savannah Guthrie had at last been located. “This morning before dawn, a hostage rescue team stormed a New York City townhouse and freed Savannah, who miraculously did […]

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A study published in the Journal Of Archaeological Science found that the Romans used human feces in medical treatments after discovering glass bottles containing the substance, the first time that physical evidence has been documented although Roman texts described the practice. What do you think?

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The post ‘I Don’t Know How And It’s Not My Event’: Simone Biles On Her Decision Not To Snowboard At The Winter Olympics appeared first on The Onion.