NEW YORK—Warning that curt greetings and aggressive demands could be a sign someone was a scammer, JPMorgan Chase officials reminded customers Friday to only share banking information with people who seemed nice. “Fraudsters can use your online passwords and PINs to drain your accounts before you even notice, so always take extra precautions to verify […]

The post Chase Reminds Customers To Only Share Banking Information With People Who Seem Nice  appeared first on The Onion.

NEW YORK—Calling the innovation a remarkable step forward in removing fallible judgment from the game, MLB executives announced Friday that they would be attempting to reduce human error with new electronic bat boys. “Until now, MLB has depended on the discernment of 13-year-olds to ferry gear to and from the batter’s box, and the reality […]

The post MLB Attempts To Reduce Human Error With New Electronic Bat Boys appeared first on The Onion.

A study found that Japanese eels have two different types of sperm, shedding light on why fisheries encountered such low fertility rates during artificial insemination. What do you think?

The post Japanese Eels Revealed To Have 2 Types Of Sperm appeared first on The Onion.

The post Questions Grow Over Mystery Of Missing Legislative Branch appeared first on The Onion.

The post Mom Mails Son Jar She Needs Opened appeared first on The Onion.