The post Tesla Robotaxi Keeps Changing Subject To White Genocide appeared first on The Onion.

ATLANTA—Reminding you that the views expressed in the show serve as a reflection of your own depravity, a disclaimer that aired Tuesday at the beginning of TLC’s 1000-Lb Sisters stated that something is very wrong with you for watching this. “WARNING: The following episode speaks to the deeply and irrevocably messed up part of your […]

The post ‘1000-Lb Sisters’ Episode Begins With Disclaimer That Something Wrong With You For Watching appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Stressing that it would be simplest to troubleshoot now during the onboarding process for his company’s surveillance technology, Palantir founder Peter Thiel reportedly spent Tuesday morning showing President Donald Trump how to sort a spreadsheet of Americans by ethnicity. “So what’s neat is that you can just do command-shift-E and rank every single resident from […]

The post Peter Thiel Shows Trump How To Sort Spreadsheet Of Americans By Ethnicity appeared first on The Onion.

The post Harrison Ford Glares With Exhaustion As Disney Pitches Resurrecting Han Solo With Cybernetic Torso appeared first on The Onion.

LONDON—Receiving the warning shortly after first-round matches got underway at Wimbledon, tennis player Daniil Medvedev was issued a code violation Monday for an un-British display of emotion. “Code violation, Medvedev, for verbally expressing frustration,” said chair umpire Oliver Gladwin-Taylor, reminding both players that they must “keep things stoic” after Medvedev audibly sighed and slightly shook his […]

The post Wimbledon Player Issued Violation For Un-British Display Of Emotion appeared first on The Onion.