NEW YORK—Touting the initiative as a way to “bring love for the Orange and Blue to the places that need it most,” the New York Mets front office announced Thursday that franchise mascot Mr. Met had embarked on a missionary trip to the Amazon rainforest to spread Mets fandom to the region’s uncontacted tribes. “As we […]

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Marty Peters and Karen Roth: Huh—the happy couple’s “in loving memory” table had a picture of Hulk Hogan.

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CLAYMONT, DE—As part of its effort to make the popular consumer-led food safety platform kid-friendly and provide parents with tools for oversight, IWasPoisoned.com announced Friday that it was now offering teen accounts. “Starting today, new restrictions have been placed on the accounts of IWasPoisoned.com users under the age of 18, who will now need permission to […]

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The post Tour In Peril After Noah Kahan Refuses To Come Down From Tree appeared first on The Onion.

A McDonald’s employee in California suffered severe burns across his face and body after a coworker tossed hot oil on him, the reason for the attack remaining unknown. What do you think?

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