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The post Still Supreme! Iran’s New Supreme Leader Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei On Faith, Fitness, And Supremely Good Sex After 50 appeared first on The Onion.

NASHUA, NH—Suddenly breaking his silence to extol the virtues of the decades-old HBO series, local dad Henry Breckner reportedly ended a 17-minute lapse in conversation Thursday by saying “Deadwood—now that’s a great show.” “What made Bullock such a great character was that he had a fierce temper, but also a strong sense of justice, which […]

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WASHINGTON—Positioning pubic hair as the body’s natural bulwark against urethral intrusions, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. urged Americans Thursday to grow as many pubes as possible to keep bugs from crawling into their cockholes. “Pubes are the strongest type of hair there is, with tensile strength exceeding that of steel, and they serve as […]

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Lisa Park, 29, literally died after running into her ex while he was on a date and saying, “Don’t have too much fun.” Like, what the fuck was that?

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