Tis a humble and rudely constructed domicile, true, but ’tis warm and dry, and there be space enough to lay your head on some flax and pass an evening’s time. Reference #35615

The post Wouldst This Suit M’Lord? appeared first on The Onion.

KNOXVILLE, TN—After a disappointing lunch that shattered his romanticized view of the topping, heartbroken local man Vince Salazar stated Monday that he now understood he had only ever loved the idea of a fried egg on a hamburger. “I thought the sunny-side up burger upgrade was what I really wanted, but I’ve come to see that […]

The post Heartbroken Man Realizes He Only Loved Idea Of Fried Egg On Burger appeared first on The Onion.

The post Report: It Nice That Linemen Feel Comfortable Showing Off Bare Bellies appeared first on The Onion.

Good Boy, a horror movie told from the point of view of its dog protagonist, comes to theaters this weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. Q: What is Good Boy about? A: A loyal dog discovers supernatural forces lurking in his crotch that must be exorcised through intense licking. […]

The post What To Know About ‘Good Boy’ appeared first on The Onion.

The widow of the recently deceased Leonard Hendrick, 66, would like all single men in the community to know that her husband died and she is ready to move on.

The post Leonard Hendrick appeared first on The Onion.