Breaking: The Darkness Returns

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Vasectomy Hot-Wired

The Onion

•   news
• satire

NBA Reaffirms Commitment To Gamblers Only Ruining Their Lives Legally

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Dan Snyder Walking Around Commanders Stadium Knocking Food Out Of People’s Hands

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Elon Musk Launches Grokipedia To Compete With Wikipedia

The Onion

•   news
• satire

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Katy Perry And Justin Trudeau

The Onion

•   news
• satire

ICE Agent, 7-Year-Old Both Wearing Same ‘Military Commando’ Halloween Costume

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Cam Skattebo Assured He’ll Only Be Missing Giants Games

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Prince Andrew Stripped Of Royal Computer Privileges

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Neighbors Always Knew Teen Gunman Was Evil And Did Nothing Because They Are Evil Too

The Onion

• satire
•   news

RFK Jr. Greets Trick-Or-Treaters With Big Bowl Of Ape Glands

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Cursed Videotape Kills Anyone Who Swallows It Whole

The Onion

•   news
• satire

24-Hour Horror Movie Marathon Attended With Other Failures

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Scream Mask Left On While Using Toilet

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Mike McDaniel Coaches Game Lying Facedown On Sideline

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Nvidia Becomes First $5 Trillion Company

The Onion

•   news
• satire

China Agrees To Purchase 11 U.S. Soybeans 

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Parents Ask Detained Nanny If She’s Still Free To Watch Kids Friday

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Chicago ICE Raids By The Numbers

The Onion

• satire
•   news

IT Guy Had Affinity For Cords At Young Age

The Onion

• satire
•   news