Pundits Praise Strength, Dexterity Required For Trump To Successfully Lift Middle Finger

The Onion

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‘Washington Post’ Publishes Editorial Defending FBI Raid On Its Reporter

The Onion

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Elon Musk Files For Full Custody Of All U.S. Children

The Onion

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Political Profile: Gregory Bovino

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Study: Some Gifted Dogs Can Pick Up New Words By Eavesdropping

The Onion

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Trump’s Military Spending By The Numbers

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Guitar Center Institutes 72-Hour Waiting Period

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Conservatives Say Renée Good Was Brainwashed By Bible Into Loving Thy Neighbor

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Melania Trump Casts Longtime Aide Into Well Of Gloom

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Cindy Patton

The Onion

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Spencer Pratt Announces Run For L.A. Mayor

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Powerful Bidet Blasts Hole Clean Through Man

The Onion

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God Admits Imitation Crab Tastes Just As Good

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Wild-Eyed Andy Cohen Announces ‘The Real Housewives Of My Attic’

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Vivid Sex Dream About Steely McBeam Again

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Really Hot Mailman

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Amy Warburton and Zachary Kemp

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Hospital Accused Of Faking Cancer Wing For Attention

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GOP Adds ‘ICE Kills Everyone’ Pillar To 2026 Platform

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RFK Jr. Coughs Up Pair Of Jeans

The Onion

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